Twitter Users Contributing to Increasing Entropy, Evangelicals Delighted
BETHESDA, MD. They post under clever names like @SteveMartinToGo, @StephenAtHome, and @GarryShandling. Well, sometimes the names are clever. Regardless, scientists say their meandering posts are behind an accelerated growth of the universe’s Entropy.
According to none other than Wikipedia, “entropy is an expression of disorder or randomness.” Thus, higher entropy equals higher disorder. Stay with us, people. This is bad because a common definition of the death of the universe is—reaching maximum entropy.
And this prospect has Evangelicals wetting their pants with giddiness. For them, the only thing greater than the end of the universe is rubbing it in non-believers faces.
One popular mega-church founder, who declined to go on record because he was between sessions with his male masseuse (“I don’t want to go through that again!”) said, “the whole community just savors the irony of the Rapture being hastened by Sodomites such as Gary Shandling.” He added that they only wish well known heathens like Alec Baldwin and “that pervert”, Howard Stern would “pick up the pace.”
It’s a win-win says preacher John MacArthur, “because we can tweet and they can tweet all day and we’re finally working as one. Praise Jesus. Even Islamic terrorist posts help. Why even the anit-christ himself, the Pope, has started tweeting.” At that point the preacher started speaking in tongues and walked off for his massage.
One analyst has noted that the only thing worse than these entropy-causing “tweets” are articles that try to take advantage of Twitter and search engine popularity by mentioning and linking to famous Twitter users. SWP was unable to verify this outrageous claim with any reputable scientist on the report.