Stem Cell Breakthrough: A Kidney That Chews

TOKYO. Japanese researchers have announced a stunning breakthrough in stem cell bio-engineering. Japanese bio engineers have succeeded in growing a tooth from cells implanted into a mouse kidney, using a technique that could create these chomping kidneys faster than previously tested methods.

Mouse with chewing kidney

Careful, Dr., She Bites

The latest method “saves about 10 days” compared to earlier techniques, said Tokyo University of Science professor Takashi Tsuji, who led the research.

“It is our first step towards the goal — to engineer organs that can  eat by themselves,” he said.

“We still haven’t got to the point where it can be used for humans,” he added. “We have just completed our first step.”

“Organs that can chew can be more independent, no longer relying on the digestive and circulatory systems,” said Dr. Tsuji. “It’s just more efficient,” he says.

Opponents of bio-engineering and stem-cell research are up in arms over the developments.

“This is an abomination!” says Julie Smalls of Greenpeace International. “The genetic engineering machine is out of control! Ask yourself, ‘Why the hell do we need organs that chew?'”

The researchers hope that scientists will eventually be able to use the technique to develop fully functioning bio-engineered organs that can survive longer on their own following disease, injury or aging.

CORRECTION: Small Winged Potatoes (SWP) has learned that the research was not designed to make kidneys that can chew. The researchers, sick of the anti-genetic engineering were simply “pulling our legs.” Their goal is actually to improve the processes behind stem cell developed replacement organs. SWP is all for that, as we will need new kidneys soon due to our Gin intake.