House Druid Caucus Sticks Together On Debt Debate

WASHINGTON D.C. There’s been a lot of attention this week on the South Carolina Representatives and their prayer meetings over the debt ceiling debate. This group—Rep. Jeff Duncan, Rep. Trey Gowdy, Rep. Mick Mulvaney, Rep. Tim Scott—has admitted to looking in “the Word” for clues to how to navigate the debt debate. And for praying for guidance.

“we can solve this entire debt crisis with one, perhaps two, human sacrifices”

At least, that is what they claim to be doing behind closed doors, despite numerous reports of laughter, the singular hiss of beer cans being opened and reports from Congressional custodians that there was a layer of peanut shells strewn across the floor.

House Druids

"Solving the debt crisis requires sacrifice."

Whatever the case with the conservative Christian group, there is another set of faithfuls seeking guidance from their beliefs—the House Druid Caucus. And now they want some press attention in their efforts to guide the country. “We are tired of deliberating in secret,” says the head priestess, a representative from northern California. “And we can solve this entire debt crisis with one, perhaps two, human sacrifices,” she added.

The group noticed that no one is alarmed that the various Christian caucuses are turning to ancient books and medieval rituals to run the country. The Druid Reps feel this validates their approach too, and that now is the time to take advantage of the public’s apathy.

Also emboldened, representatives from Little Italy’s around the country have taken to watching the skies for lightening and to reading bird entrails like their Roman ancestors did.