Monthly Archive: January, 2012

Apple Confirms Artificial Steve Jobs Ran Company

CUPERTINO, CA (SWP): In a story that seems right out of the pages of a science fiction novel, a recent crisis of epic proportions has forced Apple, Inc. to acknowledge that Steve Jobs had… Continue reading

NBC Announces “Greatest Super Bowl Ads Ever” Special Will Be Presented With No Commercial Interruptions

BURBANK, CA (SWP): NBC announced here today that its Super Bowl Weekend Celebration will kick off Saturday night treat: a two hour prime time special featuring everyone’s annual Monday morning favorite water cooler topic—Super… Continue reading

Park Service Acknowledges Plans to Privatize Washington Monument

WASHINGTON DC (SWP): A National Park Service spokesman acknowledged today that the 7.5 million dollar gift from billionaire David Rubenstein to effect repairs on the monument caused by earthquake damage arrived in the… Continue reading

Romney Makes Bold Offer to Palmetto State

GREENVILLE, S.C. (SWP): Mitt Romney, in response to flagging poll numbers and an embarrassing reversal of his victory in Iowa, made a direct offer to South Carolina delegates this morning on CNN. “Bottom Line?,”… Continue reading

Cognitive Decline Arrives Earlier Than Thought

SCHENECTADY, NY (SWP):A Special Report from our Senior Man About Town Pops Weller. A recent study confirms what many have long suspected; cognitive decline speeds up sharply in the middle aged. An area… Continue reading