Monthly Archive: February, 2014

Underperforming Russian Athletes Make Themselves Scarce after Putin’s Invitation to “Consolation Lunch”

From Russia with Love SOCHI, RUSSIA (SWP): NHL superstar and Russian National Alexander Ovechkin boarded a plane for the U.S. shortly after the Russian Olympic hockey team was eliminated from medal contention. Passengers… Continue reading

Local Man Doubts Cashier’s Sincerity

Questions relationships in modern society SAN LOUIS OBISPO, CA (SWP): “Enough of this charade,” says local man Albert Bagalonia, “we both know she doesn’t give a rat’s patootee about my business. ‘Thank you… Continue reading

CVS Qualifies No Smoking Strategy

“Hey, we’re Still Selling Plenty of Good Drugs Up In Here.” WOONSOCKET, RI (SWP): CVS CEO Larry Merlo(t) was quick to reassure loyal customers that the chain’s recent decision to discontinue tobacco sales beginning… Continue reading