Shootings Begin As First U.S. Ebola Case Confirmed in Dallas

Panicked public declares, “Don’t Mess with Texas, Ebola”

DALLAS, TX (SWP):  “People are panicked by the fear of the Ebola virus,” says Ann Brown, a former chairwoman of the Consumer Product Safety Commission. She spoke to us by cellphone as she hauled her ass out of the area on Route 35, heading north. “They see it in every stranger’s eye.”

Dallas MobAmmunition supplies have run dry in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. “One confirmed case of Ebola. That was enough to sell out the stores,” says gun store owner Ethan Hogg.

This all happened within hours of confirmation Tuesday from U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that the first known U.S. case of the deadly Ebola virus has been detected at the Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas, Texas, according to media reports.

A mob quickly formed at the airport to “deal with anyone arriving from anywhere outside the US of A,” said one excited mob member.

Another posse surrounded the Hospital. “We sent the military to combat with this threat in Africa,” said Zeke “Zeke” Macpharlane, “so now we only got our militias to deal with it here.” Earlier this month, President Barack Obama announced that the U.S. would send the military to combat the disease in West Africa which has now reached epidemic proportions.

A local official tried to calm the mob by explaining that the military in Africa were only assisting with security of medical supplies and personal, “not actually ‘combating’ anything or anyone.”

The official was shot dead.

“Ammunition supplies have run
dry in the Dallas-Fort Worth area …”

Texas Health Presbyterian, located at Greenville Avenue and Walnut Hill Lane in northeast Dallas, said it’s complying with all recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control and the Texas Department of Health to ensure the safety of other patients and medical staff.

In related panics, several area ministers declared the End of Times were Nigh. Local preacher Phil McCraken of First Baptist Church of Precision Steel Shot Shells proclaimed to a crowd of four or five that this is God’s justice for the “socialist ways of President Obama and his party of liberal Sodomites.” And looters throughout the city smashed store windows and stole TV’s.

In a press conference, CDC Director Tom Frieden attempted to assuage concerns about Ebola’s contagious effect, saying that the virus was only spread through direct contact, and was not airborne. He vowed that officials would contain a potential spread,”without the need for violence. Please stand down, go home and unload your weapons.”

Frieden was shot dead on the spot.

In time, visiting New York University microbiologist Philip Tierno says, Ebola, like the others viruses that circulate in the USA, will become part of the landscape. Now, “it the start of an epidemic. It will be spreading rather quickly and will probably be here for the long haul,” Tierno says, adding, “don’t shoot me.”

But if Zeke and his posse have their way, they’ll be heading off Ebola at the pass.