White House Website Launches as E-Commerce Site

We launched an hour ago and this site is already bigger than Amazon.com and Alibaba.com. Combined. Period. End of Story. Fuck you! — Sean Spicer

WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): Just days after President Donald Trump took the oath of office Friday, the official White House website has been transformed into a set of e-commerce sites selling merchandise from Trump branded hats to time shares at a number of Trump owned and branded properties around the globe.

WhiteHouse.gov E-commerce siteStrikingly absent from the website — the Trump administration’s top priorities, plans, and any information to help visitors navigate the administration or government services.

“The swiftness of this transformation is astonishing,” said white house analyst, Amit Bahl, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I simply have to take advantage of this golfing vacation offer before it’s sold out.”

Critics of the move complained that this proves what they feared all along: that Donald J. Trump is in it for the money and for himself only. When one protester at the D.C. Women’s March was told about the e-commerce site, she said, “this proves what we feared all along: that Donald J. Trump is in it for the money and for himself only!”

Trump supporters defended the action. “I’m signin’ up as a reseller as soon as I get home to my trailer,” said Cletus Junction of West Virginia. “See he’s already creatin’ jobs for us loyal Americans.”

Office of Government Ethics Director Walter Shaub publicly stated that President Donald Trump did not consult with his office to formulate his plan to redo the official White House website as an e-commerce site.

“OGE’s primary recommendation is that he shut down this site immediately,” he said. “This move is outrageous beyond belief.” He added, “I have to admit though, that vacation time share in Taiwan is a pretty compelling deal.”

Sean Spicer at brefingSean Spicer, White House Press Secretary and Communications Director, held a briefing to announce the site, stating, “we launched an hour ago and this site is already bigger than Amazon.com and Alibaba.com. Combined. Period. End of Story. Fuck you!” He then stormed off, ignoring questions from the media.

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