Drivers Who Can’t Make Left Turns Costing Billions

Making a left at the light has become a lost art. LOS ANGELES, CA (SWP): There’s a crisis in this country with a potentially bigger economic impact than rising healthcare costs. And nobody… Continue reading

Boy Cleans Dishes Without Being Asked in Attempt to Knock Parents Off Guard

Standoff enters third day

Sanders Supporters, Raised on T-Ball, Can’t Fathom Loss

He played, he should win. LAS VEGAS, NV (SWP): Threats of violence. Predictions of mayhem in Philadelphia. Why are Bernier Sanders supporters throwing such a tantrum? According to Sarah Bellum, it’s a Millennial… Continue reading

The Donald’s Dilemma

“She’s beautiful. But she is getting a little long in the tooth, don’t you think?” said the presumptive GOP nominee, he himself nearly 70 years old. “Hey, for men it’s different. Don’t shoot me. I don’t make the rules.”

Calm Trump Even More Frightening

Lacking lampoonery, ideas just plain stupid.

Trump Unveils White House Renovation Plan

Includes 350 luxury condos. “It’s going to be beautiful. Just beautiful.” NEW YORK CITY, NY (SWP): Promising something beautiful and “yuge,” Donald Trump unveiled his plans for White House renovations when he’s elected.… Continue reading

Jeb, Choking on Own Vomit, Endorses Cruz

I can’t believe it’s come to this.” DEEP IN JEB’S WORST NIGHTMARE (SWP): Choking on his own vomit, former presidential candidate Jeb Bush endorsed former rival, Ted Cruz, in last minute gambit by… Continue reading

Trump Goes Full Washington Insider

Stunned supporters left frightened, confused but still loyal WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): Calm. Reading from a teleprompter. Meeting with Senators. Is that John Kasich? No, it’s Donald J. Trump. As the candidate met with… Continue reading

Marco Rubio Went Live with Unproven Firmware Upgrade

Engineers worried about lack of testing for new Attack 2.0 module. DALLAS, TX (SWP): Attacking Donald Trump at a rally in Dallas, one day after the latest Republican debate, Rubio further exercised his… Continue reading

Marco Rubio Gains Momentum Among Whiney, Prissy Types

Third place is the new first place.