Marco Rubio Went Live with Unproven Firmware Upgrade

Engineers worried about lack of testing for new Attack 2.0 module. DALLAS, TX (SWP): Attacking Donald Trump at a rally in Dallas, one day after the latest Republican debate, Rubio further exercised his… Continue reading

Marco Rubio Gains Momentum Among Whiney, Prissy Types

Third place is the new first place.

Donald Trump Endorses Sarah Palin Right Back

The Donald looks forward to a big boost from Palin. AMES IA (SWP): Sarah Palin, the Tea Party favorite former Governor of Alaska and 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, endorsed Donald J. Trump in… Continue reading

Ted Cruz Set to Wind Down Campaign after Endorsement

It’s the kiss of death beyond Iowa DES MOINES, IA (SWP): Telling supporters that it was a bittersweet moment, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) announced that he’ll be winding down his campaign after winning… Continue reading

Commercial Airlines to Arm against Drones

Near misses at O’hare and Los Angeles prompt aggressive response WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): After a series of near misses, pilots say they are fed up with the growing amateur drone menace. “Once we blow… Continue reading

Local Man Meticulously Irons Shirt Only to Discover Stain Afterwards

Mourns the precious 10 minutes he’ll “never get back”

Scott Walker to Spend Day in Block of Ice

Republican candidates fighting Trump for share of news cycle. NEW YORK, NY (SWP): As Republican candidates vie for a share of voice against Donald Trump, they are increasingly being forced to up the… Continue reading

Donald Trump Rising in Polls among Rapists

Has a great relationship with the Rapists NEW YORK, NY (SWP) “I have a great relationship with Rapists,” the real-estate mogul turned aspiring president said in an interview with NBC News on Wednesday. “I… Continue reading

Local Man Moves Family to Actual Goddamned Barn

No longer asking kids if they think they live in a goddamned barn.

“Sure,” he says, kicking a piece of pizza across the floor. “The barn smells like cow shit, but my stress level is way down.”

Carly Fiorina Announces Bid for Vice Presidency

Or at least a Cabinet position

WASHINGTON D.C. (SEP): Former Hewlett-Packard Co Chief Executive Carly Fiorina announced on Monday she is running for vice-president, joining a rag tag collection of surgeons, radio hosts, and absentee governors also running for V.P.