Tag Archive: John Boehner

Poll Shows Chimpanzees More Likely Than Republicans to Believe in Evolution

Though the chimps won’t take the blame for humanity WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): Now we have a fairly good explanation for why Republican Oval Office hopefuls like Scott Walker and Bobby Jindal are afraid… Continue reading

Obama Announces He’s Deporting Mitch McConnell

“And Ted Cruz, I’ve got my eye on you!” WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP) In a prime time speech to the nation, President Barack Obama announced a bold move on immigration. “For the good of… Continue reading

Congress Eager for New Session of Getting Nothing Done

Both parties look forward to improved bi-partisan cooperation on doing nothing WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): Fresh from an election that emphatically punctuated voter dissatisfaction with a gridlocked Washington, lawmakers are eager to get through the current lame-duck… Continue reading

Obama Threatens Counter Suit Against Critics

“Somebody messes with me, I’m gonna mess with with him” MINNEAPOLIS, MN (SWP): Showing increasing defiance in the face of his critics, U. S. President Barak Obama yesterday raised the specter of a… Continue reading

First Five Thousand Customers to Sign up for Healthcare to Receive Free Obama Bobble-head

WASHINGTON DC (SWP): HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius announced today that “we’re sweetening the pot” for potential Obamacare customers, “especially our 18 to 25 year old targets.” “Hey, wait, it says here this bobble-head… Continue reading

Boehner and Obama Agree to Raise Taxes on Each Other

Both To Take Second Jobs WASHINGTON DC (SWP): The President and the Speaker emerged from talks at the White House and gave a joint statement on the lawn. “In the spirit of bipartisanship,… Continue reading

Short Session Challenges Congress Ability To Do Nothing

“It’s counter intuitive,” says Speaker, “but it’s harder to do nothing in a short session, than in a long session” WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): The fall session leading up to the November election will challenge Congress’… Continue reading

Send In The Clowns: Congress Returns to Resume Destruction of Country

WASHINGTON D.C. Congress this week returns from Summer Recess, charged up and ready to resume it’s efforts to drive the country to hell in a hand-basket. “We were sent here by the American people to… Continue reading

Republicans and Democrats Agree: Debt Limit Crisis is Fault of One Man

WASHINGTON D.C. They don’t agree on much these days. But the Obama administration and Congressional Republicans have agreed on one thing. The blame for this debt limit crisis is clearly on the shoulders… Continue reading

Big Oil Looks to Get Even Bigger

TEXAS CITY, TX.  Flush with cash and emboldened by the lack of outrage over recent gas prices, the oil industry is looking to expand their coffers even further. “Our recent price collusion test–at… Continue reading