Monthly Archive: September, 2013

Man Awakened from 48-Year Coma Can’t Wait to Live in Underwater City

“I’m stoked to wake to a world with peace in the Middle East. Are we copasetic, dude? When he was told how long he’d been in a coma, Miles “Hump” Humphries, now 65 years… Continue reading

First Five Thousand Customers to Sign up for Healthcare to Receive Free Obama Bobble-head

WASHINGTON DC (SWP): HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius announced today that “we’re sweetening the pot” for potential Obamacare customers, “especially our 18 to 25 year old targets.” “Hey, wait, it says here this bobble-head… Continue reading

Realtor, Escrow Agent Agree Buyer Shouldn’t Sweat $500 in Fees

CARMEL, CA (SWP): Agents standing to make significant sums of money off of a local real estate deal are in agreement that the buyer should not sweat another $500 of unexplained fees. “This is… Continue reading

Local Man Shocked, Depressed to Find He Likes Adult Contemporary

“It’s official. I’m old.” DULUTH, MN (SWP): It started with England Dan & John Ford Coley. About 3 minutes into the song, Paul “The Stud” Studebaker noticed he was humming along. And, like… Continue reading

Last Week In Politics: No Sloppy Seconds for Weiner, Spitzer in NYC Primaries

NYC (SWP): “It’s no fun to be bringing up the rear when you’re used to leading with your front,” lamented Anthony Weiner in his concession speech. “I thought I showed I was the… Continue reading

Obama: NFL First Monday Night Coin Toss to Decide Course in Syria

WASHINGTON DC (SWP): “Look, I’m tired of the back and forth,” an obviously frustrated president Obama stated at his morning White House briefing. “So here’s the deal. Heads we go in, tails we… Continue reading

Microsoft Announces Windows Spectacles

Company seeks to compete with Google Glass REDMOND WA (SWP): In a surprise move, Microsoft announced the proposed acquisition of Nokia’s mobile device businesses for $7 Billion. What was lost in the announcement… Continue reading

State Trooper’s Angst Grows Over Life Spent Speed Trapping

SAN MATEO, CA (SWP); “What’s it all mean?” Trooper Gary “Grunt” Stotlemeyer asks with a sigh.  Normally not prone to deep thoughts, the 15-year veteran State Trooper is struggling to find meaning in his… Continue reading