Republicans New Climate Change Platform
“This Planet is Killing Us: We’ve Got to Kill It First.”
WASHINGTON DC (SWP): Republican leaders launched a sweeping new strategy today to counter claims that they are ignoring ever growing signs of manmade climate change.
Florida Senator Marco Rubio acknowledged today that, “from the wildfires in the west to the flooding, tornados, and hailstorms in the Midwest, mother earth is sending us a clear message: ‘I am trying to kill all of you.’ As a Floridian, and an American, I say, ‘not if we kill you first.’ I will, literally, stand my ground.”
“I believe it is our
God given duty to subdue and
dominate the earth”
Rubio continued, “I believe it is our God given duty to subdue and dominate the earth, from fracking to dumping waste into the air and water, we’re going to show Mother Earth who’s in charge here. I wouldn’t bet against us here, but if this doesn’t work out there are plenty of other planets for us to take over.”
A spokesman for MUCC (Manmade Understanding of Climate Change) released a statement. “I want to say that I will derive some satisfaction from the idea that future generations will come to think of people like Rubio as the primary villains in 21st Century history, but now that I think about it, there’s not going to be anybody around to read about him.”
Omg. He actually said that? This isn’t satire?
Reblogged this on TGM Millennials.