Trump Triples Down on North Korea Threats

Most analysts expected Mr. Trump to go with “make my day” or even, “you had me at hello”

WASHINGTON D.C. (SWP): Saying that fire and fury weren’t nearly enough, President Donald J. Trump of the United States turned up the heat even more on Kim Jong-un, supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea of North Korea.

“I call for a plague of locusts on the house of Kim,” said Trump. “May his whole family be turned to stone.”

The president’s opponents in the U.S. were swift to condemn the president’s remarks.

“What we have here are two psychopathic leaders involved in an escalating ego dispute that can’t end well for humanity,” said political analyst and North Korea watcher, Frank Lee, a frequent critic of the president.

Supporters of the president struck a different note: “That Kim Dong Goon, is just a big, fat, spoiled, no-nothin’ brat. He’s only where he is thanks to his daddy. Donald Trump knows exactly how to deal with the likes of him. It’s like … well, he just knows, okay?”

Kim Jong-un

The President had first threatened “fire and fury.” He then doubled down with “locked and loaded.”

After Kim threatened to bomb Guam, most analysts expected Mr. Trump to go with “make my day” or even, “you had me at ‘hello’.”

Always unpredictable, Trump appears to have pivoted back to the biblical threats, as a nod to his base of hypocritical evangelicals and pathetic, white supremacist trailer trash.

Analyst Frank Lee believes it’s just a lack of sophistication on Trump’s part. “He probably heard the bit about locusts on Fox & Friends or The Bachelor.”

The North Korean regime has yet to respond to this latest escalation. Intelligence sources have picked up few signals other than some “chatter” about gypsy curses and a smuggled voodoo doll.